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This is My Story 3
... I never actually successfully completed any discipleship training program, it really takes a lot to grab my attention and keep it. Every program, and I participated in about four in three different gatherings, was designed at indoctrination. These programs were designed to make you see things one way- the particular gathering you are attending at the time's way- and at the end of it all, sometimes after a test, you were rewarded with a membership status from where you were to move on to the next levels of training. None of these matched the life Father was offering me- a life cultivated in Love, Patience and Respect. I was so easily bored by these programs that I completed them just to prove a point but never took up the prize of membership. In the meantime, I began to slowly tire of the constant messages of "Give to Get", "Let God USE you" (I wonder who would enjoy being used by someone else or how a person whose desire is to use you can look you in the eye and ask you to trust him because he loves you?) "Don't rob God, pay your tithes or you would regret it" etc. I was shocked out of my senses, deeply disturbed and amazed (I still feel all these emotions) that nobody saw the obvious disconnect between these messages and who God as revealed himself to be. As I sawit, It was a very convenient setting; everybody was using everybody, clergy and laity alike; both groups trying to make the whole using thing okay by bringing Father into the equation as the ultimate user. I tried to air my disagreements, but the very same people I was trying to "help" were very vehement in shutting me down. I guess people loved, and still love the performance-based messages. I don't know, maybe it is because it gives them a reason to feel they've earned God's approval and blessings and as such can place demands on him- even demands that clearly serve their own interest. I found out that the performance based christianity message is popular and seems to be main thread that is the weave of the fabric that is our "christian experience" today and as such people love it and are unwilling to give it up, at least not without a fight. I on the other hand, had no desire to fight, so I let them be...
This is My Story 2 The story of my life continues... Trouble was, I had no idea what the perfect christian looked like and, as strange as it may sound, no one else seemed to know. Never mind all the suggestions that poured forth from the hallowed pulpits of mega churches and the visiting foreign celebrity preachers- suggestions as to who or what the perfect christian is. There never was that "Aha! Someone who finally gets it" confirmatory feeling for me. Problem was, there was not enough material to work with and most of What Jesus Would Do in certain situations would have to be made up, and, if you ask me, that is not an exact science that could be measured by some parameters sent down from heaven. Sure enough, everyone had their own take on what they thought Jesus would do. We soon had many wierd versions of Jesuss (plural) all over the place. Not only was there no perfect christian, there was no perfect Jesus either. I developed this habit of asking God questions. I was never afraid to bring up any topic with him, and, believe it, he always rose to the occasion. Sometimes, I felt that with him, there were more answers than I could ever come up with questions. The answers just kept coming. So, off to him with the WWJD question. As it turns out, Jesus would have done exactly what the Father asked of him so that it was not the situation but what Father was saying that inspired Jesus to action. I guess God isn't looking for replicas of Jesus, all he wants for us is what he had (and still has with Jesus) a relationship. That simple! Oh, by the way, I also found out that there were no perfect christians (at least not in this solar system or galaxy)
This is My Story
I wasn't born into your typical christian family. There were no sunday morning services, no sunday school; there was none of those things that suggested, "model christian family". My parents grew up going to church and all, in fact, my grandfather was choirmaster for over 50years. Its just that the church just didn't grow on them and they didn't feel compelled to introduce us to a God they didn't know. I am glad my parents were honest enough to not bother, they didn't give much thought to hypocrisy. God bless them both I first met God when I was 10 ( I said that in an earlier post) and it was because part of me longed to know him. Unfortunately, the God I met was nothing compared to the one I now know, so for years and years, I fell in and out with him mostly because I was afraid of his wrath. The renaissance, however, began for me when I was in University. God caught my attention with stuff like, "I am taking you across the threshold beyond your realm of the limited to my realm of the limitless" and "Before I take you across the threshold, I will get rid of all the trash you have received from so called men of God". Now you have to understand that in an environment where most of my brethren were hearing what God wanted them to do for him, (in those days, it was the vogue on campus to receive your christian's lifework directly from God's mouth) here I was being told by God what he wanted to do in me. While I was at the university, I belonged to a christian group that most people considered as too conservative especially when it came to rules about appearance and all. Anyway, I was a constant headache to the leadership because I was not your average rule keeper; so, most of the time, I was dismissed as carnal and probably unworthy of the kind of attention I was getting from God. Even I didn't take myself that serious. But I guess Father meant business when he said those things because the next couple of years proved every word Father said to be true. It began with cravings, very intense cravings. I began to notice that I had an intense desire to talk to Father and read the bible. It was so intense that I devoured every page. It was no longer a matter of forced ritual. I loved talking to God, I loved reading the bible and I especially loved the paradigm shifts. First to go was the subtle shade of performance based christianity. The popular teaching then was that obedience (to do's and don'ts and How to's) guaranteed a blessing. Christians were compelled to pay tithes and give offerings because not doing so amounted to robbing God but paying guaranteed a blessing and protection. I kept telling those who would listen that God is our father not the Godfather, we don't need to pay for his protection.
Why God Hates Sin 2. “You know dude, the one thing I hate about all this stuff is that people don’t know what or who to believe anymore.” “When I look at members of the system, I don’t see people at peace with who they are; what I see are ‘moral vacillators’- folks who are unsure of what morals to uphold and are in desperate search for someone else’s morals to call their own.” “They are what I call the ‘my pastor said’ folks” These were Brian’s words when I saw him a few months after he quit “The Shepherd’s Assembly.” He actually seemed to be having fun, but there was something sinister about the look in his eyes. That look! Every time I think of it, I shiver to the bones! Something had truly died in my friend and there was this look of, “someone’s going to pay for this somehow!” “So dude”, he always liked to call me that, I guess it was something he picked up from watching a lot of movies. “How’s life treating you?” It’s always that way with Brian, one minute he engaged you in soul stirring discourses and then the next minute he moves to mundane stuff like the weather and the cost of fuel. I admire the man a lot. There is something almost childlike about him. He always bared his mind and I always felt he needed to be re-schooled in the art of diplomacy. And as odd as this may sound, he was madly in love with his wife and child I said odd, because Brian’s philandering is legendary.
“Hi I am Brian” as if he thought she didn’t already know that. “I couldn’t help but notice that something seemed to be bothering you and I was wondering if I could be of any assistance at all?” He always knew what questions to ask, what jokes to share, what burdens needed a helping hand to carry. To quote Susan, “Brian was the angel I prayed to God to send to rescue me this morning, he is so far out. You know, to be honest, I always sort of wished he’d notice me, I heard he was very generous and generosity was what I needed that day” Oh! I almost forgot to mention Brian’s generosity. He could give you an arm and a leg if he thought you needed them. The thing about it though was there never seemed to be any string attached until he needed to call in a favour. He once told me that giving was the key to, not just receiving but also, getting! Looking back, I think Brian knew just what he was doing. He played the system like a harp. He created beautiful melody and was the master artist. All was a game to Brian, one which he played very well.
Why God Hates Sin. He had seen her there a couple of times, she could not have been more than 20 but she had this look about her like she had been forced to grow up really fast and it made her look all the more desirable. They had actually never talked to each other; there had been no reason to. They seemed to share the same interests- at least as far as the center they both frequented was concerned- but that was as far as the similarities went. He wasn’t handsome, at least not in the striking kind of way, but his intelligence and charm were unmistakable. It was too easy to fall for his charm, he always seemed to know what was bothering you, and made you feel like the solution to your problem was your idea after all. Who wouldn’t want to feel special and appreciated; who wouldn’t want to walk on water? Brian knew how to make this happen and that was what made it easy to love him. Susan looked like she needed help. The odd thing though was that only folks with Brian’s training could figure that out; especially as she had become quite the expert at hiding her need for help. Several years of, “to receive, you must believe” trained her to perfect this art of cover up so much that you could smell her vulnerability from a mile away but her appearance told another story; A story that seems to suggest, “I got it all together!” Untamed passions, fears, doubts and mixed values all hastily buried alive so that she could “fit in” now gave off the unmistakable death like stench of vulnerability and confused emotions. Susan was also beautiful and that was not hard to see. She was the perfect lady in distress and Brian was easily taken by all these qualities. This “blend” of beauty and unseen ugliness, of the new and vintage, of young and old that was Susan was the perfect cocktail; the potion to add zest to his routine ridden life. It didn’t matter that she was not as graceful as those who were “his type”; It didn’t matter that she didn’t possess their sophistication either; It also didn’t matter that she was just 22 and he was 36 Or even that he was married with a child… …”Hi, I would like you to see me after today’s programs?” With those words, Brian launched his campaign to win this vixen’s heart. Another one will bite the dust soon. Another one will be forced to face their true self Another one will have to choose whether to go on living a lie, or give up all together. Another one will be faced with the same choices he has to live with day in day out. Brian had seen through the charade; he resented the walls of protection that the rules provided to willing prisoners. He saw the repressed emotions; he saw the struggles; he saw the tension build to maddening and dizzying heights; he saw men and women fall; he saw them try to desperately hide their weaknesses at all cost. He saw all these and he hated every bit of it. He was saddened by the desperation that engulfed many, the desperation that devoured these self styled “men and women of god”, “men of faith”, whose claims to immunity were justified by “touch not my anointed and do my prophets no harm”. Some sort of diplomatic immunity! The death stench of rotting and failed morals that characterized the system he was part of, chocked the very life out of him. He hated every part of the ‘show’, he wanted out, he wanted to be free- but he died! He died because his, was not a call to freedom; He died because his, was a push from the tyranny of rules and regulations, a break from do’s and don’ts. He died because he undertook a journey from sin management to rebellion! Brian died, and became a rebel…
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